I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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