My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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