it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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