I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
