I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
