You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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