He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
