I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
