i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
