I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
