I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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