I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
