I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
