Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
