So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
