Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
