dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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