From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
