I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize