She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
