I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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