when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
