do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
