Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
