I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
