wanna go halves on a baby?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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