i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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