I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
