sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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