But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
