I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found puke in my bra..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
