woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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