hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
