Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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