my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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