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WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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