so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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