So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
