We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
