please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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