I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
