ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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