I accidentally burped into my bong.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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