Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
