mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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