Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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