# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
