I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
