omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
