we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
