How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
