is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
