So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
