Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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