Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
