i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
