All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
