have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
