She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
