Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
