guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
