Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
