Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
