I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
