Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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