i will never coherently bang her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
