the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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