I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
