is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
