btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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