Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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