I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my liver is dry heaving
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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