Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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