Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
