Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
