i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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