You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
