I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
