as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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