The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
