So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
