Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
