Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
