I must be too annoying 4 u.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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