people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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