if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
