areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
