All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
