I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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