Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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