woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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