he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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