I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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